HomeGuideFAQSearchMemberlistForumSupportStore
LD4all.com

Welcome to the archive! Log in
the BIG Jokes topic
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.     |##| -> |=|     LD4all archive Forum Index »Lucid LoungeGoto page 1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
Author Message
Dm7
Nonexist
Dream Deity


Posts: 1932
Joined: 11 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 04 Oct 2007
Location: nonexist
PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2003 4:37 am    Post subject: the BIG Jokes topic Reply with quote

[mod] Post all jokes and funny stuff in here. Please don't post a joke as a separate topic in the forum. It will be locked and directed to this one. Thank you ^^ [/mod]


Here is mine... I thought it was soo funny that I wouldn't resist posting it here. reallybiggrin

====


Going the Speed Limit



A Police Officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers. There weren't as many violators this day as usual. The State Police Officer sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 215."

___________
Back to top
infection0
Back!
Dream Deity


Posts: 1305
Joined: 22 Jun 2003
Last Visit: 22 Aug 2007
Location: San Jose, CA
PostPosted: Sat Sep 20, 2003 5:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL! lach2
I'm sorry but I can't come up with anything right now. Except dirty jokes. I know an awful lot of those. neutral

___________
Back to top
karl
Somniologist
Somniologist

Age: 27
Posts: 244
Joined: 29 Jun 2003
Last Visit: 02 Jul 2007
Location: england
PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2003 10:10 am    Post subject: he Reply with quote

verey funny lachtraan cry
i got one:
a father is teaching his son about the evils of alchahol,(or however you spell it)to demonstrate he put a worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of beer, the worm in the wate lived happily ever after but the one in the beer shrivelled up and died
dad: "there son, what does that teach you?"
son: "it tells me that if i drink beer i wont get worms"
lach2

___________
Back to top
aydira
Somniologist
Somniologist


Posts: 243
Joined: 03 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 27 Jul 2007
Location: I'm in your eye
PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2003 10:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

All of mine are dirty too or contain "the F word." I'm sure none of you are surprised by that though...
So far these are cute ones though keep it up. grin

___________
Back to top
Qu
present in silence
Site Admin

Age: 45
Posts: 10934
Joined: 05 May 2002
Last Visit: 13 Nov 2018
Location: behind you
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2003 7:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

long ago a ruler of a distant country wanted to know how you could be stronger than a woman. You see, in that country all men where commanded by women. The women had the pants on so to say.

This ruler had a wife like that also and he was looking for a way to be stronger than her. He thought: hey, what if i ask all the men in my country to gather and see if there are men among them that don't listen to their wifes, i can ask them for advice!

so said so done.

he built a big tent and called all men of his country to gather inside the tent. He explained his problem and then asked all men who listened to their wifes to leave the tent.

everybody but one left.

he thought just one?! wow, he must be the strongest of all men then, now i'm going to learn his secret.

he asked the man: So how do you do it, what is your secret?

the man looked at him and said:

"i don't know, my wife told me to GO inside that tent, STAY inside that tent and DON'T DARE to come out of that tent!"

___________
Back to top
moogle
1 LD to milestone !
Site Admin

Age: 62
Posts: 16833
Joined: 10 Aug 2003
Last Visit: 14 Nov 2018
Location: Lancashire England.
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lach2
That's really funny.

But it might upset the male members of the forum. 8D

___________
Back to top
karl
Somniologist
Somniologist

Age: 27
Posts: 244
Joined: 29 Jun 2003
Last Visit: 02 Jul 2007
Location: england
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2003 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ooh i dont like tents
im claustrophobic

___________
Back to top
infection0
Back!
Dream Deity


Posts: 1305
Joined: 22 Jun 2003
Last Visit: 22 Aug 2007
Location: San Jose, CA
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 5:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hm. I have the reverse opinion of moogle. I didn't find it that funny, but I wasn't at all upset about it. I'm ok with all kinds of jokes, even though my sense of humor is very limited.

___________
Back to top
Qu
present in silence
Site Admin

Age: 45
Posts: 10934
Joined: 05 May 2002
Last Visit: 13 Nov 2018
Location: behind you
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

smile well, i heard it from a man, so i think men are generally ok with it wink5

i'll try to think of some other jokes..

when i was a kid i used to be full of jokes, could tell them whenever somebody needed to hear one.. where did that go?

___________
Back to top
Dm7
Nonexist
Dream Deity


Posts: 1932
Joined: 11 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 04 Oct 2007
Location: nonexist
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q.. hehehe! Me too! I used to be full of jokes when I was a kid. Mmm...

Here's a blonde joke... cracked me up so much lol! lolrood

===

A Flaky Blonde

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

___________
Back to top
Dm7
Nonexist
Dream Deity


Posts: 1932
Joined: 11 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 04 Oct 2007
Location: nonexist
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry for being in a such silly mood right now. It's 2:30 AM in the morning and I couldn't fall back asleep so I'm entertaining myself with jokes that I found on some websites. wink Here's a cute and simple joke for you. reallybiggrin

===

Adventures in Disneyland

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

___________
Back to top
Qu
present in silence
Site Admin

Age: 45
Posts: 10934
Joined: 05 May 2002
Last Visit: 13 Nov 2018
Location: behind you
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lach1
i had to read it twice before i got it grin it's funny!

oooooooooooh blonde jokes...

*cough* *ahem* i know some of those but i don't want any one with the blond hair color to be offended... so please don't be offended and see the humor grin the blondes depicted in this joke can't probably access the internet, so i assume i'm safe grin

what's a blonde who paints her hair in another color?
- artificial intelligence

what did the blonde say when she was called on her mobile?
- how did you know i was here?

actually, here in holland, when somebody acts dumb and knows it, she will say *blond*, instead of "dumb of me" grin (that's no joke!)

___________
Back to top
Dm7
Nonexist
Dream Deity


Posts: 1932
Joined: 11 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 04 Oct 2007
Location: nonexist
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hehehehe! lolrood

These jokes are funny! That's really interesting about Holland. I have been studying Netherlands for a while and the more I study about it's culture and language, the more I want to move there. reallybiggrin It just seems to fit me perfectly.

Anyways, I have some more jokes, but I don't want to flood the discussion with that. ^_^

Lieve dromen! Lucide dromen! reallybiggrin Ok I'm weird I know.

___________
Back to top
dreamwalker
Ne Plus Ultra
Dream Deity

Age: 36
Posts: 699
Joined: 11 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 17 Dec 2012
Location: California
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:44 am    Post subject: reply Reply with quote

Heres a joke my mom used to tell me all the time.

Want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle.

Want to hear a clean one? It took a bath.

hahahahaha man those jokes suck. hand voor hoofd

___________
Back to top
Dm7
Nonexist
Dream Deity


Posts: 1932
Joined: 11 Dec 2002
Last Visit: 04 Oct 2007
Location: nonexist
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HA HA HA HA HA HA! lach2

It reminds me of my grandpa's jokes, they're "stupid", but it means a lot to me!

- *pinches me* "Your sweater is soooo thick!"
- "Where are you? I can't see you! You're a ghost!" *pretends not to notice me even though I stand in the front of him*
- "Wanna come and play a golf game with me in the heaven when I die?"

These are something my grandpa alway used to say. I miss these jokes. blauw I was very close to my grandpa. Oh well, at least maybe I can play a golf with him when I come back to the heaven and beat him for the first time. Ha ha ha! ^^

___________
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.     |##| -> |=|     LD4all archive Forum Index » Lucid Lounge All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12  Next
Page 1 of 12

 



© pasQuale - donations greatly appreciated
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group