A farmer has three daughters. All of them are going out on their first date on the same night. He stands by the door with a shotgun. His oldest daughter’s date comes to the door. “Hi, I’m Freddy, I’m here for Betty, we’re going to go eat some spaghetti.” he says. The farmer lets his eldest daughter go. Then his middle daughter’s date comes to the door. He says “My name is Bo, I’m here for Flo, is she ready to go?” The farmer nods and lets his middle daughter go. His youngest daughter’s date approaches the door. He says, “Hi, my name’s Chuck.” The farmer shoots him in the head.
A politician dies and goes to the pearly gates. St. Peter says “We’re trying a new deal up here. We’ll let you spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven and then let you pick.” The politician then spends one day in Hell. He has a good time, partying with all his deceased friends. He then spends a day in Heaven. He meets new friends and has a good time, but misses his old friends. So the next day he approaches St. Peter and says “I know this will sound kind of weird, but I think I’d rather go to Hell.” St. Peter fulfills his wish. It’s very hot, dark, and barren. The politician goes up to Satan and says “What’s going on here? Where’s the party? Where’s my friends?” Satan replies “That was the campaign. Now you voted.”
A woman is talking with a friendly seeming neighbourhood guy who has agreed to babysit her young children. She asks, “Have you ever been down to the playground?” The man replies “Oh yes, I have.” “Do you enjoy watching the children there?” she asks. “Oh yes,” the man replies, “I love to watch the children run and jump about. See, they don’t know I’m firing blanks.”
A lead guitarist and a bass guitarist get in a fight onstage. The singer walks over and says “Hey, what are you guys doing?” The bassist angrily replies “He detuned one of my strings and he won’t tell me which one!”
How many female singers does it take to change a lightbulb? One, she hold the lightbulb in place and the world revolves around her.