It was a beautiful night; the stars shone brightly in a sky unblemished by clouds. The smooth humming of my bike’s engine and the whistling of the wind past my helmet were the only sounds breaking the silence of the night. It would have been a perfect ride were it not for the fact that I was running yet again. As I was riding into the darkness hugging the dashes on the road as if they were silent guides telling me I was going the right way, I could not help but reflect on what circumstances got me here.
It all started when a friend introduced me to the magic of lucid dreaming. It did not take long for me to find out that I had finally found the missing piece in my life. Slowly but surely unanticipated events started to turn my world upside down giving glimpses of an unbelievable future. For the first time in my life I had a goal, one that filled me with light and happiness, but also with fear and doubt. I filled my days with Reality Checks, and books on Lucid Dreaming, and broke my nights constantly with the Wake Back To Bed technique. I found my heart screaming every second I had to spend on regular work because I knew that I was not doing what I was meant to do. My Lucid Dreams had told me that human beings have the capacity for so much more then we can ever conceive; that we are so much more than most of us will ever know. The knowledge filled me with purpose but also with desperation. Would I be strong enough to do this? Would I be able to break my safe little shell knowing I could never have it back? But most of all, would I be able to give up the possibility of sharing my life with someone, knowing that if I took my dream path, I would in all likelihood, be alone?
I grew restless as my days and nights passed in uncertainty, and my lucid dreams became less and less frequent and altogether stopped. Then one day I decided that I could not go on this way, I felt as if part of me was dying because I was afraid for no reason at all. I did not know what the future would hold if I took the path of my dreams, but I did know what it would hold if I didn’t follow my heart. That night I had the most amazing lucid dream in which I met my dreamguide again. He smiled and said, “I’ve been waiting for you, and now I know that you are ready to learn what I’m about to teach you.” I followed Charlie (that is his name) to a house in the suburbs. It was a small place and very well kept, but even in the dark of the night there were obvious signs of poverty. We walked into the house, while Charlie explained to me the circumstances that the family was in. The dad had recently lost his job, and with it the family’s health insurance. They had a little girl who had been diagnosed with a rare disease, but because of their lack of insurance she was not able to receive the proper medical attention. She would die he told me, if something was not done soon. He turned around, smiled and looked at me with those intense eyes of his and said, “This is where you come in.” I could not believe this dream; I could feel my heart hammer in my chest, even though I knew I did not really have a chest in this realm. I kept thinking please don’t wake up, stay lucid, this is what you’ve been wishing to learn. Charlie then laughed as if he could read my mind (which of course he could) and said, “Don’t worry about losing lucidity, as long as you are with me you will stay lucid. I smiled and said thank you.
We walked up the stairs and into a small bedroom where a little girl was sleeping in her simple wooden bed covered with hand painted life-like daisies and butterflies. One of her parents had made her room a peaceful place by painting the walls sky blue with clouds and birds. Nearer to the floor the walls where green as grass with myriads of colorful flowers painted on them. The bare wooden floor was painted the same color green, giving the impression you were outside. The girl was very thin and pale. Her dark hair curled around her face which would have given the impression that she was made out of porcelain had it not been for the dark circles under her eyes. I could not take my eyes of her small face, but Charlie touched my arm and told me to watch him. “I know you have attempted this once,” he said, “and that you were able to produce a small amount of healing energy. Now I will show you how to connect to the energy of the universe, the same energy that is inside of you, me and anything else that exists.” As I was watching him holding his hands slightly apart I saw his body turning translucent and golden. From all around him beams like sunrays shone into him and through him, ending at the tips of his fingers creating a ball of light that was almost blinding to look at. “This is what you need to do” he said. “Open yourself up to the energy around you, let it flow into you and be part of you, then direct it between your hands. Go ahead and try it!” I looked at Charlie and visualized myself becoming part of all the energy around me having it pouring into me and making me as golden as him. I saw my arms filling up with light that was streaming to my fingertips and then pouring out of them while filling up the space between my hands. “Now contain this energy in a sphere” Charlie said. “Imagine a strong, supple but resilient lining around the sphere that will restrain and compress all the energy pouring out of your fingertips.” I did it! The sphere felt soft yet super strong and pulsing; its light nearly binding me. As I looked up at Charlie he smiled at me like a proud teacher and told me that he knew I could do it. While I had been focusing on creating my healing light, he had apparently released his, because it was no longer there. Now what I want you to do is to walk up to this little girl and slowly release the light into her until she looks the way I did when being filled with all the energy around me. But before you do this I will make you see what she looks like through my eyes, which I will teach you how to do another time. As I was trying to watch the little girl (which was rather difficult because of holding a blinding ball of light) I saw her physical body disappear and her energy body slowly come into focus. What I saw shocked me. Her little golden energy body was marred with black areas, as if she were filled with antimatter, little voids of nothing. “This is why she is dying” Charlie said. “You need to release the energy into her, until she is all golden again.” As I walked up to her I could sense the dark areas, it filled me with an indescribable dread. “Don’t focus on the darkness,” I heard Charlie say, “Focus on the light, fill her with it, and push the darkness out.” I held the sphere over her, but didn’t know how to release it gently into her. I tried to fight the doubt that came over me, feelings of inadequacy, and the thought that I could kill her if I did this wrong. Charlie read my mind again, “Don’t be afraid! Just lower the sphere until it gently touches her body, right where her solar plexus is. Now visualize the lining of the sphere becoming thinner and porous where it touches her. The energy will gently flow out and into her.” As I visualized this I saw her little body being filled with light that slowly pushed the dark areas outward until I could no longer see any darkness within her. I looked at my hands and they were empty. I felt drained and about to lose lucidity when Charlie touched me again and said, “I will let you go and fall into a dreamless sleep for a while. You did very well; you healed this little girl tonight! I chose her because she was little. As you grow stronger you will be able to contain bigger energy spheres and heal larger people, but for right now we shall stick with the little ones until you can do this on your own, without my help to remain lucid. We shall meet again soon.” As Charlie let go of my arm I fell into a deep and blissful sleep.
From then on I met with Charlie every night. He first taught me how to see both someone’s physical body and their energy body. That way I could determine where their illness was so I would be able to gauge how much healing energy I would need. He explained to me the nature of the universe, which was filled with the same amount of matter (energy) as antimatter (the darkness I saw). He told me that healing a person pushed the darkness out but that the void could never disappear, because it would always be there to balance the universe.
Over time I got better at healing, always following Charlie to people he picked to be healed. One day I asked him how he found them, and why he chose them. He gave me one of his enigmatic smiles and said, “I was waiting for you to ask me this. I will see you tomorrow, and will introduce you to a very special friend of mine.
The next night when I saw Charlie he was not alone. With him was a man who looked about my age, I found it hard to tell because he was, like Charlie, very radiant. “Here in the dream world he will go by the name Declan,” Charlie said. “I will not tell you his real name because it is better if you do not know.” I frowned about that statement and said, “Are you trying to tell me that he is a real person and not a dream character?” Charlie then told me then that he would not guide me much longer, and that in order for me to find someone to heal I needed to know who was ill and could not afford to pay for medical treatment, or who was ill and whose doctors were unable to diagnose what ailed them. Declan, it turns out, was also a lucid dreamer, and a hacker who was able to get into any insurance or hospital system finding patients without insurance, or with severe incurable illnesses. “But there are so many of them! How do you decide who will be healed and who won’t?” I asked. Declan said that it was not him who decided but Charlie, he was only going to be the messenger. I did not know what he meant and asked him to explain.
We had been steadily walking in our dream scene, but I had not paid attention as to where we were going having been totally absorbed in what Declan was telling me. As I looked around I was surprised to see that we were at a beautiful meadow in the middle of a forest. The grass was covered with beautiful flowers in different shades of blue, ranging from baby blue to sapphire. At one end of the meadow was a small waterfall that ended in a gentle stream flowing over colorful rocks of all shapes and sizes and disappearing into the forest. “This will be our meadow,” Declan said. “We will have very little contact, only when really necessary.” He then started to explain how he would give me the information on each patient. Declan had created a secure website to which I needed to login in real life. On the site he would list the name, and address of the person along with a photograph. He said that in the beginning I might need to physically drive by, so that I could find the place in my dream, but that once I had grown used to finding them I should probably only go to the same time-zone, to make the chance of being found less likely. “What do you mean by being found?” I asked him. Declan looked at me and asked me what I thought would happen if all of a sudden people all over the US were cured of an incurable or life-threatening disease, all of them overnight while they were sleeping; all of them saying that they were visited by a glowing woman? “You will appear the same way to each and every one of them. You can’t change your energy body while focusing 100% on their healing. What they see will be the same you in real life, even though you’ll be in a radiant energy form. But think about it, by drawing their vision of you it will turn into a worldly face. How long do you think it will take someone to figure it is the same person doing the healing? And how much longer do you think it will take someone to figure out that you really do exist?”
I had not thought of that and realized that if people knew I would most definitely lose my freedom. On one end I would be inundated with sick people wanting me to heal them, on the other end I would be a threat to those who did not like the fact that I was able to do this in the first place. Because face it, if I could learn how to do this, so could others, and then what would happen to the world of medicine? Entire pharmaceutical companies that pretty much ruled the world would be gong belly up. I could understand that they would not be happy with that. Money so far ruled the world and made people unwilling to change and evolve. I was lost in thought and realized that I was over my head. I looked at Declan and said, “What about you? You think someone will locate your site and find out you have been hacking into the hospital and insurance systems? You think they will link my healings with your posting of the patient?” He told me not to worry about him; he was good at covering his tracks. He also said that as soon as I had healed someone that person would be taken off his site, and that he would only post one person at a time. He looked at me, smiled, and said, “You won’t be the only one who’s constantly on the move!” When he told me that, it dawned on me that I would have to leave the island. “I will have to leave, won’t I?” Declan nodded, “Pretty soon yes. So far most of the people you’ve healed were relatively nearby, at least in the same time zone, so they were asleep when you were. “Most of them?” I asked. It turns out that Charlie was aware when someone was sleeping even though they were not in the same time zone. A lot of times when someone is really sick, they will sleep at times during the day as well. All of a sudden I was really tired, this was something I had not anticipated and I needed some time alone. I told Declan thank you, and made a mental note not to forget the ID, URL and password Declan had given me. I purposefully lost lucidity and fell into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning I received an anonymous email with the URL. I’m sure you’ll remember the ID and password I’ve given you. How could I not! Even though it was a 60 character password, it was easy to remember. Declan had given me a sentence to type in:
Iam~andw1llalwaysbe*anan0nymoustravel1ngluc1ddream1ng Healer!
It was a good password, but the words “always be” assailed me with doubt, yet again! Would it ever go away? Why did part of me not want to do this, why did part of me just wish to be normal and live a clueless normal happy life? I felt torn; it felt as if I was pulled in different directions by my opposing desires. Would I ever be at peace? I grabbed my laptop, opened up Firefox, and typed in the URL. Declan (or whatever his real name was) had created a cool site. There was no real indication as to what it was about. Around the login and password box he had created beautiful artwork. The background was a galaxy filled with stars that shimmered. Floating in the galaxy were beautiful energy beings, sound asleep. Upon closer examination however, all of them were marred with small areas of void. Clever! Only I would know what that meant. Then a thought struck me. Was I the only one? Would there be more like me? I would ask Charlie. I typed in my ID and password and hit enter. I was disappointed. There were no names, only the words stand by, and check again at a later time.
That night Charlie came to me again and he said that we would not do any healing tonight. He suggested we go for a walk. He told me that he sensed my inner conflict, and that I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to do this. Then he asked me to remember how my life felt before I was aware of lucid dreaming. How it felt as if something was missing, how lost and unmotivated I felt not knowing why I was living. Then he told me to remember how I had felt after my first healing. I told him that he know as well as I did that I had thought about all that. But that my biggest fear was that of being alone forever. “How do you know that for sure? Why would you even think that?” My answer was that I could just not fathom that being perpetually on the move would be conducive to a good relationship with someone. Not only that, but that unless the person that I was with was also a lucid dreamer it would be pretty hard for us to be together.” Charlie gave his famous chuckle, which normally delighted me but at the moment did nothing more than agitate me and piss me off. “You can’t talk,” I said, “You are a spiritual being; one who has no earthly roots or desires.” Charlie grabbed me and put his face two inches away from mine; his eyes penetrated me and actually scared me. As soon as he sensed my fear he backed off. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I lost my patience.” What he said next blew me away. “What makes you think I don’t feel what you are going through? Don’t you realize by now who I am? Think about it! You have been healing on your own for a while now; I only guided you to someone, and then left.” I looked at Charlie and drew a blank. Who was he really? How was I supposed to know who or what he was? I looked at him intently, at his kind face, his warm smile and his gentle and beautiful eyes. As I looked at him his faces started to shimmer and change. All else around us faded away and what was left was a mirror and I found myself staring at me.
I woke up with a jolt. No way! That was not possible, Charlie was not me. I was not that wise or kind. I was not that strong or patient. Most off all I was not that much!
The rest of that day was a blur. I could not wrap my head around what Charlie showed me, I just couldn’t. I felt like crying and crawling into a deep hole, never wanting to get out again. Why do I always think less of myself? Why am I always belittling who I am and what I can do? I had no answer to that.
That night Charlie did not come to me. It was as if my disbelief put a huge wall between us. I had realized by now that Charlie represented my subconscious; the part of me that is in tune and in touch with everything around us. The part that knew what real was, what life was, who I was. Why did I fear to be one with that part of me?
I decided to let it be for a while, I was just too overwhelmed. Instead I focused on starting my life as a healer. Charlie was right, what else was there for me to do? I could not live a blind life, no matter how much I sometimes wanted to (or rather think I wanted to). However, now I literally ran into a brick wall. I lived on an island, had no money, and no savings. All those years of barely living in the world feeling lost and uncertain as to what to do with my life, had left me a bit of a pauper. I could sell all my belongings but that would just barely buy me a ticket to the mainland. And then what? I decided not to dwell on it and just go with the flow. I gave my landlord notice and started cleaning out my belongings. The bigger stuff like my furniture and my grandfather clock I put in the newspaper. The rest of my stuff I artfully displayed in my garage. That Friday I put up YARDSALE signs in the neighborhood, and spend my weekend selling almost everything I owned. I kept some clothes, my laptop, sleeping bag, my Sony digital Reader and my mattress (which the new owner would pick up as soon as I had left). I had even sold my old motorbike, knowing that I would not be able to ship it over. It would never survive the live I was going to be living anyway. I needed a bigger and stronger bike for that. And yes! A bike it would be. If I was going to have to stay under the radar, I would at least have fun doing so, which for me meant riding. Instead of a month to get ready it only took me 10 days. Now what?
That night Charlie appeared again. He smiled. It felt weird looking at him, and it made me uncomfortable. He laughed. “If it makes it easier for you to think of me as a separate entity, by all means do so. Just because I am part of you doesn’t mean that you are me, at least not yet. In order for you to life the life you chose, you need to do keep your feet in the world. You will have a harder time healing if you don’t. Charlie insisted on not explaining himself (I guess herself, even though I think there probably is no gender related to the subconscious). It dawned on me that he was right. I had chosen, and that it was the reason he was back. I still had my doubts and fears, but I could live with them. That night he took me to heal someone I recognized. I turned around and looked at him. Are you sure? She will recognize me! “Just ask her not to tell, she will keep her word.” I healed my friend that night, I had not realized how frail and close to death she was. This healing left me with joy, but also sadness. I would not see her again. Charlie said goodbye, but before he left he told me not to forget to check my mail.
I woke up to a bright and sunny morning, and for the first time in a long time I felt at peace. I had purpose and all I could see was an unknown future, but one that was mine. That afternoon I found myself waiting for the mailman. I passed the time reading and browsing the Internet; still nothing on Declan’s site. Finally the mail arrived! It was a big envelope with my address as the return address. Darn, go figure there would not be another return address. I quickly opened it and to my amazement found an airplane ticket in it, the title to a Triumph Speedmaster (wow!) with a sticky pad that had the name and address of a retailer on it, and an Bank card from a mainland bank with a sticky pad that had a pin number written on it. My joy faded as I realized that none of the items had my name on it. I was baffled. I checked the envelope again and realized I had missed one item, a driver’s license! On it was the same name as the rest of the items, but with one difference, it had my face on it! I looked closely at the address and it had a PO Box in Montana on it. Declan! He would be the only one that could pull this off! I was thrilled! I couldn’t believe it, my adventure was about to begin!
After a few minutes I took a deep breath and figured I needed to get back to Earth. My first thought was to look at the ticket to see what day I was leaving. I think my heart stopped a beat! My plane left that very night, a red-eye. I had to sit down and think. What else did I need to do? Call the guy who bought the mattress, and the gall who bought my bike. She already had the title and I was going to leave the bike at the airport parking lot, with the key in the cup holder. I quickly stuffed all of my clothes in a carryon, called the landlord and told him I was leaving early. I asked him to put my deposit in my bank account; we had the same bank. He was a really nice guy, so I had no doubt that he would. What was I thinking!? I had a bankcard, with no knowledge as to how much was on that account. My mind kept spinning and spinning I was losing it! After a few more breaths and a half hour of meditating I was my clam self again.
I decided to drive by a few friends (thankful for once that I only had a few) and bid them goodbye. I told them that I was taking a year off to tour the states, but that we would stay in contact though email and cell phone.
The night finally came, and I found myself at the airport. There was only one teensy problem that Declan had not anticipated. I lived on a small island. The chance that someone would holler out my real name as I was checking in with another was quite feasible. I felt myself skittishly looking around, hoping no one would recognize me. As it turned out, my fear was ungrounded. Fate was working to my advantage that night, and I was blissfully left alone.
I saw Charlie again that night on while sleeping on the flight. He smiled and said, “You did it! Have a good journey, we will meet again.”
When I woke again the plane had landed in San Francisco. I had enough money on me to get a cab to the bike store, but couldn’t contain my curiosity. I walked to the nearest ATM which turned out to be of the same bank, and slid in my bankcard. After entering the pin number I chose account balance. It’s a good thing I’m not a screaming kind of gal, because I would have if I had been! Needless to say, I did not need to worry about going hungry or paying for gas.
A taxi deposited me neatly in front of the bike shop where I was to see my bike for the first time. I was exited! They were expecting me and had prepared my bike ahead of time. Declan was good. The bike was not only gorgeous, but fully equipped. Two large panniers where mounted on the sides of the bike, and one large one in the back. There was definitely enough storage space for my belongings. A weather proof GPS was mounted on the handlebars. They had also done a custom paint job on it; Sapphire blue with golden stars on it. Floating among the stars on top of the tank was the figure of a golden woman. I almost cried then and there. I had to think of Declan, and wished I could thank him, but he said we could only meet when the urgency arose. I guess Charlie would notify him. I tried not to think of that illogical and mind boggling statement.
While at the store I decided to use my new debit card and purchased a new jacket, water proof boots, gloves and helmet. As an afterthought I also purchase some rain gear, you never knew! While I was shopping the store manager kindly inserted the GPS’ speaker system and microphone into my helmet. It even had music stations on it. Cool!
I emptied out my belongings in the panniers and said a very heartfelt thank you to the guys in the store. First stop was a camping store where I purchased a small compact tent and a low-temp sleeping bag. I would have purchased half the store had I not been on a bike. I did however splurge when I saw a very cool, but very pricy, sleeping pad. It was super small when rolled up, but turned into a very soft and comfortable 3 inch mattress once inflated; which it somehow did automatically once you unrolled it and removed a tiny plug. Something about hundreds of teensy air pockets that sucked up air like a plant did water. The sleeping bag went in the big storage case on the back, together with my laptop. I figured that the laptop probably did not like to be rattled. The sleeping pad, which came in a waterproof case, I tied behind me on the seat together with a small pillow in a waterproof bag. This way I could actually ride and lean against the large storage case without my back turning black and blue.
I had asked the guys for the nearest Starbucks; I needed to see if Declan had something for me to do. I gave my GPS the address and took off. I had to give Declan credit, once again; he had picked a bike shop at the outer edge of San Francisco. I guess he realized how uncomfortable and utterly unused I was to traffic. This was a good way to ease me into it. The coffee shop was not too far away, and I was able to park right in front of the window, thereby keeping an eye on my stuff (I was not in Kansas anymore).
I had a tasty cup of coffee and some oatmeal while logging into Declan’s site. The information that popped up was short and concise: name, age, address and photo. The young woman was a recent widow with two small children with no other family to support her. It didn’t take a lot of guessing as to why Charlie had picked her. They had already lost their dad, to lose their mom as well would cause more trauma then either of them could probably cope with. On top of that, foster care rarely managed to keep siblings together, not to mention that people hardly ever decided to adopt two at a time.
After my breakfast and coffee I went back outside. I spoke in the address and watched the info appear on the GPS. I took a deep breath and looked around me. I felt totally estranged from everyone. Nobody knew what I was up to, and no one ever would. I looked at their faces and imagined myself maybe ending up healing one of them. Would I recognize them? Would they remember having seen me? I quickly put on my helmet only to hear the small speakers say, turn right at the next intersection. I started the engine and felt it come to life. This was my home from now on, my trusty steed. I had to laugh even though I was nervous. Wouldn’t it be ironic if a huge truck ran over me the second I hit the freeway? But I knew that this would not be the case. I had found my life’s destiny, and I was lucky enough to live it.
So the years went by riding from town to town, state to state. Declan insisted on giving me weekends off, even though I told him not to. I don’t want you to burn out he had said the first weekend when I had found his patient page blank. He would have to make an exception occasionally but hopefully not often he said. I kept in touch with friends from the island for a while, until (like Declan said they would) it was discovered who was doing the healing. From then on Declan changed my driver’s license and bank account once a year and unfortunately also my bike. I could not expect the bikes to live very long with the amount of miles I put on them every year, but still, I get attached to them. Declan however did have the stores put on fancy paint jobs, each one more creative than the other.
I saw Charlie only occasionally now. I gave up asking him if there were others like me. He just smiled. Declan was just as closemouthed about the subject for a long time. Then one night as he entered my lucid dream he told me that there were. I was not to know who, it was safer that way, but our numbers were increasing. Slowly but surely larger amounts of people were healed overnight through miracles with faces. There was no longer any denying it, and all over the world people had come to the same conclusion. We can learn how to heal ourselves; we are more than empty brained physical beings. We have in us the capacity to be one with the universe and one with each other. This is what humanity is going toward. As with everything however, things take time. I remembered my reluctance and disbelieve when I just started out on this road. I could understand the obstacles people faced.
The dashes on the road were still guiding me; the night was still quiet, other than smooth humming of my bike’s engine and the whistling of the wind past my helmet. I knew where the road was taking me, but I didn’t mind, I was happy and at peace, ready to welcome the next town, with the post office that held my new identity and the bike shop with my new bike. I wondered what design Declan had made for me this time.

There is never an end………..