Hello all, please take a moment to read this, I need some help.
I have never intentionally induced an LD before, and I am very interested in trying it. There’s just one problem…I’m not sure exactly how to explain this, but I have a tendency to have schizophrenic thoughts during the night. I’m not as bad as hearing voices or having actual hallucinations, but when I’m in the dark I have a tendency to become uncontrollably paranoid. I’ll get a paralyzingly horrifying feeling that someone or something is with me, and no matter how much I tell myself that I’m just imagining it, for the life of me I cannot seem to shake this feeling. I’m not sure if this simply means I’m over active or if there is something else. I guess you could say I’m afraid of the dark, but that doesn’t seem to capture quite what I feel. The thought that there is some ghost or demon in the room with me becomes so INTENSE that I can actually start to feel nauseous or begin to feel my skin crawling. Much like the feeling you get when you are actually being watched. In my head I begin to see gruesome demons or ghosts, but I’m not technically hallucinating them…
I’m sorry to ramble, but that is very important to this discussion. I desperately would like to try lucid dreaming, but right when I get to the point where I am about to fall asleep: I get the thoughts. What if I enter a lucid dream and I see one of these demons or ghosts? These thoughts are nothing short of traumatizing, and that’s when I am awake and conscious. When you are dreaming, everything becomes more alive and vivid. I I were to accidentally lose control of an LD, even just for a second, I could be face to face with one of my worst fears.
Now I have read a lot about LD’ing. I know you’re in control, I know nothing can hurt you. You are dreaming, and fully aware. However you need to know that my mind is not only very fragile, but it can also be VERY dark. If I were to enter an LD, I don’t know if I would be able to handle it because of the constant fear of losing control. I have heard about lucid nightmares, where you are still lucid but your subconscious takes over and plays you a nightmare. You know you’re dreaming still, but your subconscious mind shows you some sort of message.
Some people call lucid nightmares a learning opportunity. A way to confront your fears face to face. But I don’t know if I am quite ready for something like that yet. These thoughts and “hallucinations” I get are very realistic and traumatizing to me. An even if I am 100% aware that I’m dreaming, I feel that if I saw one in a lucid dream I would still panic like a small child.
What does this mean for me? Could It just mean that I’m not cut out for lucid dreaming? Or is there a way to get past it?
Surely I can’t be the only person here who has come across this problem. If anybody has some stories/advice to give me, I would be forever grateful. Please, I want to try lucid dreaming so bad. I have heard that you can even teach yourself to do amazing things in real life through use of LD’s an I would love it if there was a way for me to try this without having that constant fear in the back of my mind.
I hope you have some good advice for me, thank you so much for reading this