I am happy to announce that I am being rewarded for my practise this morning: got my first LD since I started this practice and it was a real nice LD. My subconscious mind gave me a sign that I am not fooling myself, but am on the right track.
This is what happened:
I spontaneously woke up at 3 this night. In my bed started reading in my dreamjournal (on my smart-phone), got up (short toilet stop) and then went back to bed, trying to get to the body numb state. I couldn’t get there, my left leg was tense, it hurt, couldn’t relax it, so decided just to fall asleep, no way, got my mind to clear already. Relaxing not working, and mind to clear, damn. I had a big strugle again with myself. Lost a valuable hour or two of sleep like this. Finally I got up frustrated, did some stretching, stretching my whole body to the ceiling (hands in the air) and then dropping down folding, with my head towards my knees and arms hanging loose, did this until I began to yawn allot. And then I was ready to go back to sleep. I could get in the numb state easily now, stayed there for a few minutes, then from there softly let me slip into sleep. It worked. Some vague dream images began to form, I got involved in them forgetting I was falling asleep, until I suddenly remembered “hey, wasn’t I falling asleep? So what is this… dream images?”, but it was very fragile, so I had to stay very calm and focus my awareness on the vague dream, I could almost feel my sleeping body, but tried to block that from my awareness. My dreambody was sitting in a chair in front of a computer so, I tried to get completely involved in this dreambody, trying to move it. This happened with the shaking, and a feeling like tearing myself out into this body, but there I was… fully Lucid in my dream.
I am not going to describe the whole dream but it was superb. First was in a building, could fly through a wall, ended up outside somewhere not so interesting, but could climb, fly, jump up, higher and higher, until I had a spectacular view on a mountain lake, with a beautiful city at the other side of the lake and a amazing backdrop of snowy mountains.
Then I did something what I would never have done before: I sat down enjoyed the view for awhile then started to meditate, knowing that probably this would wake me up in my sleep body again. But I was curious what would happen, if I would be in SP or not. And I was confident: “from now on I will have regular lucid dreams, so I don’t have to do all I desperately wanted to do for so long in a Lucid dream in this dream, there will be more, relax”.
So, I woke up, and was able to stay perfectly still and keeping my eyes shut. I was in the numb body state, not SP, I didn’t move but had the feeling I could move (with some effort). I was little surprised. Normally you are in SP when you dream, and right after you wake up from a dream, especially if you do this consciously. So or I have very light SP and this numb state is the same or very close to SP, or I was dreaming in non-REM. If my SP is the numb state, then I have been looking much to far. I don’t know yet for sure, but I have a feeling I will find out more about it if I continue this way.
I stayed in the numb state for another 15 to 30 minutes I guess, enjoyed the after feeling in this state (normally after a LD I get up and make a dance of joy, not this time, I just stayed calm, perfectly still, eyes closed and body completely relaxed), this was nice. Tried to fall back asleep and maybe have another LD, but there was my wake up alarm. End of story (for tonight).